I try not to divulge too much about my personal life, but I thought I would talk about a subject close to my heart.
My son.
You know I never wanted to be a mother.
I thought to myself, look how screwed up I am, why would I want to screw up someone else??
I still remember the moment I found out I was pregnant.
I was not a Christian at the time.
I was out getting breakfast for my staff; I thought it would be a nice surprise. When all of a sudden I decided I should take a pregnancy test. Don’t ask me why.
Well I did, and in just two minutes, the test strip said I was pregnant.. At that moment I went deaf. I couldn’t hear. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t speak.
I went to the store and bought 4 more tests.
I took all of them.
I don’t know if I was just hoping one would say no, but there was no doubt. They were all positive.
From that moment on, something changed.
A lot of people, who know me now, think oh it was the baby that changed her.
But it wasn’t.
It was God who changed me.
If you have read my testimony then you know at this period of my life, I was living in sin. I only saw the darkness and Satan had a full grip on me. A few weeks before I found out I was pregnant; I had prayed a desperate prayer to God.
“Help me” I cried out to him, “Please save me from this path I am on. Do anything.”
It was maybe a week later that the Passion of Jesus Christ came out; after I saw that movie I knew my life had to change and it did, I stopped a lot of habits cold turkey.
Two weeks later, I found out I was pregnant.
Now, you will never convince me otherwise, but God sent my son to straighten me out, to give my life purpose and to show me the face of God, to show me his perfect love.
I was devastated when I found out I was pregnant, I was so scared, for me and for this poor baby who would have me as a mommy.
But I had this attitude; if you can’t handle the consequences then you shouldn’t be doing the action.
I thought, “Now its time to grow up Jolan.”
The whole idea of being pregnant didn’t really hit me until I heard his first heart beat.
I WAS DONE.
That was what it took for me to become a mom.
I melted, and I still melt.
My pregnancy was complicated, I bled a lot, I lost weight, I had heart arrhythmias, and at one point they thought I had a clot in my lung. AT seven months pregnant I was attacked by a pit bull, after the attack I spent three days in the hospital. But all of those things led me here. I am a nursing student stay at home mom.
And I have never known happiness such as this.
So you may wonder, ok Jolan where are you going with this??
My son’s birthday was on Nov 13th, and we had a party for him on the 12th at the park.
He turned 2 years old.
WOW!
I can still remember the first time he kicked.
I remember giving birth like it was yesterday.
Every year, on his birthday I get very emotional. I thank God ever day for my son. I thank him for blessing me with such an angel. I thank him for letting my son be happy, and healthy and smart. I feel blessed just to be a mother.
Often I wonder what I ever did to deserve such happiness.
Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. (Psalm 127:3)
It amazes me how fast time flies, I sit down to look at pictures and see the changes that have occurred in such a short time. You see because I stay home with my son, I miss small details but I never miss them when I look at pictures which are why I take a bazillion of them.
As a parent you love to see your children thriving but you also never want to let them go. You want them to grow up but you wish you could hold them forever in your arms.
I loved holding my son on my arms while he slept soundly on my chest, but I wouldn’t trade hearing, “I love you mommy,” for anything in the world.
It is a battle you fight in your heart. No matter what happens you will always love them and even at 106 years old they will always be your baby.
As a Christian you realize that this is God’s child.
He has entrusted you with one of his creations and God has a specific plan for that child. We can push them in the direction we wish them to go into but God will put them where they are meant to be.
God makes us a promise as parents:
Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)
I love those who love me, And those who seek me diligently will find me. (Proverbs 8:17)
Now God tells us in Genesis 1:27:
So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
Now I love this verse, I love it because when I see my son, I see God smiling back at me. I see my Father. I see the love He has for me. Aren’t we all created in God’s image?? Aren’t we all His children?
YES. We are!
He will always love us and even at 106 we will always be his babies.
Now the other day I received a message out of nowhere from a sister in Christ. I receive letters like these often and I must say they are a true inspiration; I often look at them as a message from God.
Remember there ARE NO ACCIDENTS with GOD!
She said, and she was speaking of her son: “So many things I have been taught by his example. Like how I am to become: childlike. Three characteristics children posses that we need:
1. They love w/o discrimination
2. They obey without question
3. They forgive faults faster than we can remember
Don’t hold grudges, even after they are spanked and/or punished, they love us just the same.
Amazing how He chooses to humble us....Keep Jesus, and stay ready, for our redemption draweth nigh!!
Now, these three points are what Jesus expects of all of us.
Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me. (Matthew 18:4-5)
“Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of My Father who is in heaven. (Matthew 18:10)
Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it.” (Mark 10:15)
Like newborn infants, long for the pure, spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow into salvation (1st Peter 2:2)
Brothers and sisters,b do not be children in your thinking; rather, be infants in evil, but in thinking be adults. (1st Corinthians 14:20)
Humble:
1 : not proud or haughty : not arrogant or assertive
2 : reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission
Innocent:
1 a : free from guilt or sin especially through lack of knowledge of evil : BLAMELESS innocent child> b : harmless in effect or intention
Obedient:
submissive to the restraint or command of authority : willing to obey. OBEDIENT implies compliance with the demands or requests of one in authority (obedient to the government). DOCILE implies a predisposition to submit readily to control or guidance docile child.
Forgiveness:
1 a: to give up resentment of or claim to requital for (forgive an insult)
2: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : PARDON (forgive one’s enemies)
My son humbles me daily. I love to watch him and see the wonder in his eyes, I love to teach him something new and see him giggle with delight. I wish he could be my baby forever but it is not what I want but what God wants for him that matters. I pray often for my son, for his future, for his future wife and his future friends. I pray God protect them and keep them safe, I pray that God will snag my son early and use Him to do His will. I pray about many things but most of all I thank God for hearing my desperate prayer and sending me one of his angels.
God has shown me, His daughter what it means to love a child and because he has given me my son as an example of a parents love, I can see ever so slightly how God feels about me. How he feels about all of us.
I say ever so slightly because our Father is so much more than we will ever be,
7 Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love. 9 God’s love was revealed among us in this way: God sent his only Son into the world so that we might live through him. 10 In this is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Beloved, since God loved us so much, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God lives in us, and his love is perfected in us. (1st John 4:7-12)
I guess what amazes me so much, is I know how I feel about my son. He is my world. He gives my life a meaning it never had before. A little human being looks to me for answers.
That is how God feels about me.
WOW.
No matter what you do God will always love you.
And even when you are 106 you will still be His baby.