Forgiving and Loving Your Enemies
by David River
September of 2002. I will never forget that month as long as I live. That was the month that the two closest people in my life betrayed me. That was the very month that my entire world began to spin completely out of control.
Since this time I have been betrayed not just twice, not even three or four times, and not even five times. Since September of 2002 I have been betrayed by six different people who were close to me. I am going to save the story of my closest betrayals for the book but today I am going to share with you the most recent experience.
In March of this year (2006) I had an amazing encounter with God. I had been searching for exactly three years to find my soul mate when it occurred. I had been in a stucco subcontracting business for ten years but more recently with a new partner for sixteen months when once again I began to feel like Alice tumbling down the rabbit hole. At this time God spoke to my heart and told me to stop searching for my future bride. He asked me to surrender. He told me to lay her on the altar like Abraham did Isaac. He instructed me to “sacrifice” the dream of my soul mate within my heart. With great anguish I obeyed. (This story is also told in full in the book.)
The moment I surrendered, I felt like God wanted me to use all the time I had been spending relentlessly searching for my bride and invest it in searching for and loving His bride. One day I heard the Lord say, “You take care of My bride and I’ll take care of your bride.” Essentially He asked me to trade my dreams for His. I thought it was a pretty fair trade so I agreed.
Within one week of surrendering her to Him I received the concept, outline and general content for the book I am currently writing. Desiring to be obedient I began to write. In a matter of four months I wrote close to 70% of the entire book. Needless to say I spent most of this time engrossed in writing. And it was during this intense time when my most recent betrayal occurred.
I told my business partner that I was writing a book and that I would be using as much time as possible to do so. At this time we had three crews of guys working for us which averaged around sixteen guys. I continued to manage one to two of our crews while writing and even though everyone was staying busy the business finances began to falter.
Apparently the new financial pressure upon my business partner caused him to blame me and the writing of the book for all our financial problems. If our crews were without work I could have understood his point but everyone was staying busy, and the money simply wasn’t there. I didn’t understand it.
For the next two months as I was writing, the entire company was at complete unrest but I had no clue until much later. Gossip and slander were spreading like wildfire but I was the last one to know. Finally it all came to a head on April 26th, 2006. My partner and I were eating breakfast when he looked me in the eyes and said that he was taking one of our crews from our S corporation and going to use them to work exclusively for him on all jobs given to us from one certain contractor. I looked at him in shock.
Essentially he was stealing corporate employees and contractors. I looked at him and told him that this behavior was non-criminal theft but he could not seem to grasp this concept. In the end he left, took one crew, well over half of our regular contractors, some equipment which the corporation had purchased, and even some money owed to the corporation.
Over the next week I discovered that ever since I had started writing the book he was going behind my back and lying to our employees. He had been secretly and silently dismantling the entire company from the inside out for close to two months. No one knew who to believe or what to believe. Trust in me and the company had disintegrated entirely. Due to all the problems the quality of workmanship also dropped off dramatically and ultimately caused the company to lose a six million dollar contract.
By the time it was all over, all my employees had been stolen, quit or I had to fire the last remaining few for refusal to obey my instructions or simply terrible workmanship. In a matter of four months my business went from a healthy thriving company with about sixteen employees to me as the sole employee. It was quite a shock to say the least. (Yes, all of this happened this year!) Since it was over this past summer my eldest son Joshua came to work with me. Because the quality of workmanship had deteriorated so drastically it took us almost six weeks to fix all the problems they had left behind. One would almost have to surmise that I have a very real unseen enemy who does not want me to publish this book as has been evidenced by all the opposition I have received since its conception.
As anyone might do, I was tempted to grow bitter at my business partner, and for about three months I was somewhat angry. Many people suggested that I sue him for all the loses and damages however I felt that a lawsuit would simply be one more distraction from the real task at hand; writing the book.
Then one day in early August I was doing a study in the bible about loving your enemies. As I was, a clear thought came into my mind, “I want you to buy your old partner an entire pallet of stucco and give it to him as a gift.” I knew it was God because I certainly would not think that up! Why would I want to give him a gift like that after he had stolen my company, cost me a six million dollar contract, and almost ruined me financially? It had to be God.
On August 8, 2006 I wrote my old partner a letter explaining that he could pick up his new gift of stucco at the material supply house and that this letter was not a lie or a joke. I drove to his house and hung the letter on his door. It was a sign to say, “I forgive you for all you have done to me even if you don’t ask.” I included a copy of the receipt as proof. On the receipt it said, “Forty five bags of gray stucco. Paid in full to be picked up. Total: $426.92” (I actually have a copy of the letter and the original receipt hanging in my office as a testimony of God’s grace.)
I never received an apology. I never received a letter or a phone call from him. I was never sent a proclamation that said, “I’m sorry that my actions cost you six million dollars worth of business.” Not even so much as a simple, “Thank you.” But you know what? It doesn’t matter. I didn’t do it to get a phone call, or a letter or a, “Thank you.” I did it because God told me to forgive and love my enemies. And because I obeyed, I no longer have any ill thoughts toward him. Now my desire is to see him reconciled to God.
As I was writing this story I stumbled across Romans 5:8 and saw it in a totally new light. A paraphrase says it like this: “God demonstrated His love toward us in this way: While we were still His enemies (sinners) He gave us His most precious gift; the life of His Son so that we might live.” I was then reminded that I used to be God’s enemy and that He had forgiven me and given me His greatest gift when I hated and abused Him. I understood God’s love from a totally new perspective.
Through all of this I thought about two people in the bible who were betrayed by people who were very close to them. One was Joseph whose brothers betrayed him and sold him into slavery to Egypt and the other of course was Jesus. Can you imagine how it must have felt to be betrayed by one of your very closest friends and that your betrayal would ultimately lead to your death? Of course this is what happened to Jesus and we know His betrayal was ruthless…ultimately He was mocked, scourged, crowned with thorns and crucified upon a Roman cross.
As I thought about all these things I realized a critical truth about my business partner: The pain he brought upon me through his betrayal only brought me one step closer to God’s plan for my life. Just like Joseph’s brothers who betrayed him which ultimately led to the salvation of the world from starvation, or like the betrayal of Jesus which led to the salvation of mankind from sin, my betrayal would only guide me one step closer to God’s plan for my life.
Understanding this truth, how could I possibly be angry? How could I hold a grudge against him when Joseph said to his brothers, “And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you.” Genesis 45:5 (NIV) and also “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives?” Genesis 50:20 (NIV) Now when I think of my old business partner, I think of what Jesus prayed when He was on the cross, “Father forgive them (him) for they do not know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34 (NIV)
Application:
Is there anyone in your life who has gossiped or lied about you, hurt you or betrayed you? (Silly question huh?)
Have you forgiven them regardless of whether or not they have apologized to you?
Do you realize that the pain they have caused you will only bring you closer to God’s plan for your life if you choose to forgive them?
How did Joseph’s brothers who hated him, considered murdering him and ultimately sold him into slavery lead him closer to God’s plans for his life? (Read Genesis 37-50 for the whole story.)
How did Judas who betrayed Jesus bring Him closer to God’s plan for His life?
Have you ever considered that the pain you have endured was meant to bring you closer to God’s plan for your life and motivate you to help and love others? How could your pain help others?
Is there a gift you can give to your enemies that might show them that you forgive and love them regardless of whether or not they respond?
Consider these verses on forgiving and loving your enemies:
For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV)
Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” Matthew 18:21-22 (NAS)
But I say to you that hear, “Love your enemies, do good to them that hate you, bless them that curse you, pray for them that despitefully use you.” Luke 6:27-28 (NIV)
You have heard that it was said, “Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.” But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? Matthew 5:43-46 (NIV)